Nicole Kidman has revealed she wakes late at night "crying and gasping" about death, her children and her marriage. In a new cover interview for British GQ magazine's Men of the Year edition, the 57-year-old actress admitted contemplating love and loss in her life has left her battling insomnia.

In the candid conversation, Kidman revealed that as she’s entered her 50s, she has become more attuned to her emotions, choosing to fully feel them rather than shutting them off. Now in her mid-50s, Nicole Kidman acknowledged that her feelings are “even more” raw and close to the surface.

Nicole Kidman’s thoughts about her own mortality sometimes keep her up at night. The 57-year-old actress opened up in an interview with GQ published Monday about how she’s “open to emotions” and feels things deeper now more than ever.